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Relationship Deal Breaker

If you don't know what a deal breaker is, then let me share the definition. It's any behavior that causes you to take a step back... no matter what feelings are involved... and say "OH HELL NAW, I'm not dealing with this sh!t."

Any behavior that the other is incapable or unwilling to work on for your happiness is a deal breaker. Yeah, I understand that people don't have to please you nor "make" you happy... and I'm not talking about trying to change a person... this has nothing having to do with superficial qualities - it's about compatibility.

For a non-smoker, it could be a bf/gf who smokes a pack a day.
For a deeply religious person, it could be an atheist or agnostic bf/gf.
For a faithful person, a cheater.
For someone responsible and dependable, an irresponsible, immature or untrustworthy person.
For an honest person, it could be a habitual liar.

Deal breakers are individual-specific. They are based on all of our past experiences (and/or heartbreak) and are considered intolerable and inevitably cause the demise of a relationship.

When falling in love, we often overlook these deal breakers, thinking (retardly) that we can change our beloved, or that things will magically get better. But after repeat performances of the same undesirable behavior, reality finally taps us on the shoulder and says "this ain't gon' get better... it is what it is... either deal with it or bail."

For instance, my biggest deal breaker is not doing what you say you're gonna do in a timely manner. Sure, I may be a bit impatient at times, but when a friend or lover is in need, I'm there... at the drop of a hat. I believe that love is what love does. Words are less meaningful than actions.

If you've ever heard of the Five Love Languages then you can understand what I'm about to say. Acts of service and quality time are tied for my way showing love. I show love this way and (maybe childishly?) expect to be loved this way. I don't need "a special someone".

I'm happy to spread my love with anyone and everyone... but when I constantly pour love, through acts of service and quality time, into one specific person... I would like reciprocal treatment... call me crazy.

Through relating with others, I've realized that you can try and try to make things work with someone, but if you have

1) fundamentally different values,
2) you love in different ways or
3) you have contrasting communication styles,

the relationship just won't work. But worse than those three is sacrificing your self-respect or your principles for "the good of the relationship". That's when you cross the line from "choosing to love" to "needing to be loved".

The key thing is that whomever you relate with knows what you stand for, but also what you won't stand for. That's the point of a deal breaker... Your right to assert yourself. Remain an individual in your relationship... whether you lose that person or continue to relate. And please, don't think for a second that you aren't capable and deserving of receiving the same treatment that you give to another.

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