Free Love Relationship AdviceBeing Too Clingy
A reader writes to Doctor Love for free love relationship advice Dear Doctor Love, I have been dating this girl for over a year and a half and she thinks I'm too clingy. A few months ago, a bunch of things happened in her life and she got really sad. I started to do everything I could think of to make her happy again. We went on trips. I wrote her letters. I sent her happy text messages. She got better for awhile, but then she just went right back into sadness. A couple months ago, I asked her about it and she said "she was at a crossroads in her life." She had been really secretive about one of her friends and I knew right away she was seeing someone else. We've always had a really cool relationship and it actually started as an open relationship. I decided she needed to do whatever she could to get back to happiness. About a month later, she tried to break up and I convinced her to stay. Since then, I have been going overboard with the romance. I could tell I was smothering her, but I didn't know what else to do. We finally broke up last week. She left me a letter saying she couldn't "return my soul-wrenching love." That couldn't be further from the truth! I just wanted her to be happy, but I suppose that came off as being too clingy. A couple days ago, we decided to talk after not seeing or talking to each other for a few days. She finally told me that she was feeling smothered in our relationship and I explained what I was trying to do. It was like a weight lifted from her shoulders and we spent the next two nights together. Here is my question: is there any way to win back her heart? I know she has this other dude which makes everything that much more difficult. But what can I do (or not do) to show her that I'm still the same awesome guy she fell in love with? After being too romantic for so long, it's hard for me to see any other way to get back inside her heart. She really is one of the greatest girls I've ever dated and it would crush me to lose her. Thanks, Reuben Dear Reuben, I’m sorry that you are going through this. I can tell you're in pain and I feel for you. I will do my best to help you make sense of why she thinks you're "too clingy". There are three main points of your email that I am going to tackle, and surprisingly, they have absolutely nothing to do with HER. It’s all about you. 1) You are being manipulative. 2) You are acting feminine. 3) You are putting yourself second. In short, you have KILLED her attraction for you… and truthfully, I’m not sure if you can get it back. *Please don’t go looking for information online about getting your relationship back… a lot of these well-meaning people will tell you to do exactly what you’ve been doing and you see how well that has worked for you. Seriously, I am appalled by the number of websites that advocate "more ROMANCE" to get women, keep women, or get a woman back. I advocate "more MAN". :) LAW of ATTRACTION Let me share with you how attraction works. For men, it’s SEE a beautiful woman, feel attraction. For women, it’s OBSERVE desirable traits, feel attraction. These are just SOME of the traits that make women feel attracted to a man: Opposite: Subservience CONFIDENCE Opposite: Insecurity PASSION FOR HIS OWN LIFE Opposite: Relationship defines him SELF-RESPECT Opposite: Willingness to sacrifice self for others UNPREDICTABILITY Opposite: Boring, no challenge LEADERSHIP Opposite: Allowing the woman to lead DECISION-MAKING Opposite: Indecisiveness SELF-SUFFICIENCY Opposite: Approval Seeking MASCULINITY Opposite: Femininity With women, it’s about how you appeal to her emotions at a gut-level. You cannot talk a woman into being attracted to you. She has to FEEL it. Wonder why most women are friends with, but don’t date Nice Guys? Because we aren’t ATTRACTED to them. In long term relationships, some guys who weren’t formerly “Nice Guys” turn “nice” (by giving up their personal power) so it follows that their partners cease to feel anything for them. When you’re in a long-term relationship, you have to continue being attractive. Reuben, your behaviors are “nice”...it's been a gradual process, but somewhere along the line you have forgotten that you are a prize. Now that you understand how attraction works, let’s move on: Click here to go to page 2. Related Articles More free love relationship advice from Dr. Love * Is This The End? Relationship Quiz * Cheating in Relationships * Alpha Attraction
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