Friends with Benefits
or
True Love
Friends with benefits or committed relationship?
I saw this on a blog the other day:
“It's in the power of a woman to preclude sex from happening. Men only have the power to influence her feelings in one direction or the other.”
----Some dude commenting on a blog
Wow. He’s absolutely right. Talk about a definition of seduction! But oh how often do I see women acting like they can’t help but to sleep with some guy. Ladies, we make the choice.
Having sex too soon can damage your chances of love developing. If you want to have sex simply because you’re horny, stop reading this right now and go buy a vibrator. A good one. I recommend Ice, Ice Baby from Pure Romance.
If you want a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship, then disregard everything that I’m saying. But… If you want a loving, committed, healthy relationship, you need to keep the goods on lock for at least 2-3 months.
2-3 MONTHS?! you scream.
Yes, 2-3 months is the equivalent of 8 to 10 dates.
Sound too long?
Consider these scenarios:
Scenario 1:
Girl meets boy.
Boy calls girl.
Girl and boy go out on a date.
Boy tells girl sweet things.
Boy and girl talk on the phone.
Girl likes boy and has sex with boy on third date.
Boy stops calling girl as frequently.
Girl doesn’t understand why.
Girl accepts any attention she can get from boy.
Boy calls girl for sex.
Girl thinks that sex will lead to relationship.
Boy has no reason to have more than a purely sexual relationship with girl.
Girl gets to know boy.
Boy and girl stop having sex.
Girl is emotionally screwed.
Boy and girl start process all over again with other people.
This girl didn’t even get to be fwb’s with him… her motive was 'relationship' and she went about it all wrong. Friends with benefits both want nothing more than friendship mixed with sex. Sure, it can lead to a relationship, but don’t count on it. If a man explicitly says, “There’s no way that I’m going to be in a relationship with someone” – believe him! 9 times out of 10, you’re not going to change his mind!
Scenario 2:
Alpha Female meets Alpha Male.
Alpha Male waits to call her.
Alpha Female begins to wonder why he hasn’t called yet.
Alpha Male calls her.
Alpha Male and Alpha Female make a date according to Alpha Female’s busy schedule.
Alpha Male is cocky, witty, dominant.
Alpha Female is fun, smart and sexy.
Alpha Male does not press Alpha Female for sex.
Alpha Female does not have sex with him until she gets to know him.
Alpha Female knows how important it is to keep her power for as long as possible.
Alpha Male understands that this is the type of woman that he wants.
Alpha Female and Alpha Male enjoy the mutual dance of seduction.
Alpha Male amps up the sexual tension and Alpha Female responds with self-control.
Alpha Female engages in other sexual acts with him while deciding whether or not Alpha Male is worth her prize.
Alpha Male goes out of his way to prove that he is worthy of it.
Alpha Male realizes that a woman who doesn’t fall at his feet is a queen worthy of a king like him.
Alpha Female and Alpha Male enter into a sexual relationship after the heat of their desire has gotten to fever pitch.
Alpha Male has never had sex so good, because he knows that he got something valuable…he’s one step away from being in love.
Alpha Female knows, admires, trusts, and respects the Alpha Male, so she has the greatest sex of her life.
Alpha Male and Alpha Female have a relationship built on a solid foundation.
They fall in love, but best of all, they are good friends because they took time to get to know one another.
Which scenario sounds better? You are not looking for love if you say, number 1. But you can totally go the first route if you’re looking for an FWB.
Before having sex with a partner remember… people want what they can’t have. It’s human nature. Amping up the sexual tension while delaying gratification leads to LOVE on both sides. If you just want to be friends with benefits, be completely SURE about that. So many people secretly want more, but will begin an fwb relationship without really being honest… then down the road they wonder why there couldn’t be more. Don’t fall into this predicament.
Wait until 2 months or longer before having sex – not just “knowing” him 3 months, but the entire relationship. (Relationship = MUTUAL back and forth, dating 1-2 times per week, definite sexual attraction, good and equal phone call/email/text message frequency.) If you would simply like to be friends with benefits then go ahead and do you; but if you want love, follow my advice.
Happy relating!
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* How to Love Yourself
* Avoid the Dreaded Friend Zone
* Dating Red Flags
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