|
 |
Be Choosy:
Men and Relationships
Long ago and far away, caveman Jack bopped cavewoman Jill on the head with a club and took her home to be his. He was the chooser because he had the weapon.
Now, in ‘civilized’ society, some women are acting like cavewoman Jill with men and relationships…allowing themselves to be chosen, rather than realizing that since the advent of dating, women are the choosers.
We have to be choosy when it comes to dealing with men and so that we don't end up in unhealthy or abusive situations. That means allowing our logic to override our emotions.
Too often we passively choose and later find ourselves looking for a way to end the relationship.
Last week a friend of mine told me that he doesn’t understand why people just take anything they can get… in other words, why people start and settle on relationships simply because a person called or asked them out. He said that women, especially, approach men and relationships this way.
When dating first began, men had to go to the “court” and entertain women for the chance to party with them. They were ‘chosen’ by women.
Now it seems that some women are deciding (wrongly) that they are the ones who have to “court” a man. They don’t, and when they do, they usually get burnt. Other women, the smart Alpha women, have realized that only by learning to love yourself first will you be the chooser and have healthy relationships with everyone around you.
The rush of meeting someone who piques our interest can be dangerously intoxicating. We lose our composure, forget that we are a prize and start thinking about ways to melt with someone else. Result? Trying too hard to impress, dropping our friends and hobbies, and fantasizing about a life together with someone we hardly know.
To beat this outpour of repulsive neediness, we must:
Be choosy by having options, know that we are a prize, and see dating as a game (not as an interview for a future spouse).
Our issues with men and relationships:
1. We get all excited about that initial contact and start dreaming of the ‘future’, and show the person we’re dating that we want more than friendship too soon.
2. We think that our ultimate goal is “commitment” when the real goal of dating is to get to know someone to decide if they are worthy of committing to.
3. We ask men to ‘open up’ and ‘share their feelings’… when if we acted certain ways around them they would be more receptive and feel open enough to share everything with us.
4. We have sex with men before getting to know them, then wonder why we either get stuck with or left by a person who doesn’t deserve us.
5. We allow a men and relationships to become the main focus of our lives, and stop nourishing the real main focus in our lives…ourselves.
6. We push ourselves on others rather than drawing them to us.
How to overcome the issues:
1. Always have 2-3 other people to fill your time.
2. Evaluate any potential date according to your sensible Must Have List. As you get to know the person, keep your emotions in check, while analyzing whether or not you are compatible.
3. Keep up with your friends and go out with them regularly, no matter how much you would rather spend time with a new guy.
It’s imperative that we never blow off one of our friends to spend time with a potential date. That act shows that you value someone you don’t know over a friend. Your friends will be there when the relationship ends, so don’t blow them off at the beginning of it.
4. Only see a person once or twice a week for the first 3 months. Desire builds in absence. Over-exposure kills sexual attraction like Raid kills ants. Don’t do it.
5.
Buy some good toys and experiment
with masturbation. Sex should be an outpouring of your respect and admiration… those things take time to build. Rushing it provides instant gratification. At the same time it kills the seduction before it has time to reach its height and usually ruins the chance of having love based on friendship.
All of these things will help… but the main thing is to remember to just be choosy with men and relationships. Settling for whatever falls into your lap will send your relationship to the toilet before it even gets off the ground... and your self-esteem goes right along with it.
Return From Men and Relationships to First Love You HOME
|
|
|
