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Shatter Self-Hate
By Healing Your Past
Self-Hate: The Result of
Not Overcoming Your Inner Struggles
It would be pointless to talk about loving yourself without also talking about self-hate.
The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. Indifference is lack of feeling or emotion. Love, which is not really definable as it is a mental concept exclusive to each human-being, is the epitome of emotion.
It seems that all of us have certain parts that we have not healed in ourselves. This is the root or cause of most of our problems. The self-destructive behaviors that come from not healing our past can be let go once we move back in time.
Once I was speaking with a guy online, while working on my own personal development. He was a bit of a teacher in my eyes, someone who had dealt with war, divorce, physical illness, and fatherhood. While I ranted about my life and the direction I was taking, I told him that I wanted to be "great". I'll never forget his reply.
"You have no need for greatness, just know who you are and let go of insecurity."
At the time, the words meant something totally different to me. Now, I see that the root of my problem was self-hate and the solution was not so much self-love, but getting to a point where I accepted my experiences, offered empathy to the child within, and absorbed the lesson that lay within the experience.
Finding the root of my problem was the first step.
Root of my own self-hatred: Not speaking my mind to all of those people who bullied and verbally abused me.
As a child, and into adulthood, I was bullied. I was teased for the way I talked, walked, looked, acted, dressed, everything! I took the abuse, sometimes with a smile, sometimes pretending I didn't hear it, sometimes with a tear while alone in my bedroom at night.
Day in, day out, I let other people define my self-image. Yet, that image wasn't "me". They treated me as if I were inferior (to whom, you ask? To 'their' idealized image of what I should be). I felt humiliated, shamed, and powerless... a recipe for narcissism? Probably. Though since I’m aware and deep-feeling, it is not a character disorder.
The second step was offering empathy to and forgiving myself.
I had to take a walk back in time to talk to the younger version of me. Since I hated that coward who didn't stand up for herself, I had to go back and hug that little girl (that I was so pissed at) and let her know that I would protect her from harm. I had to be there to give her a voice even when she lacked one. I had to let her know that she did what was right for her at the time.
Pink has a song called "Conversations with my 13 year old self". Oh, how I can relate. Plagued with self-doubt and self-hate, that little girl still lives inside of me, but now, she is SAFE and no longer afraid.
The third step was shattering that false mental concept of myself being a coward.
This was the hardest part. Going back to those situations when I was bullied and treated inhumanely... cradling that little girl and letting her know that she did the very best that she could... appreciating her for being "her" even when no one else seemed to care. I had to forgive my inner child for allowing herself to be treated with cruelty. And forgive the people who treated her like she was worthless.
And the last step, was taking the lesson and making something positive out of it.
I now speak my mind. I say what I feel and think, and I do it creatively. Loving other people and appreciating their uniqueness comes naturally to me now. Though truth hurts, I try not to deliver it in a way that makes others feel inferior. I really want to help people get over their self-image issues as I have helped myself get over mine.
Sure, sometimes I may agitate open wounds. I may pour oil onto a fire that's already blazing, but I do know one thing... my intention is to help extinguish self-hate so that everyone can become more of who they already are. A lot of my "journey back to me" has been bumpy... both exhilarating and frightening. Yet I've learned that a self-concept, whether positive or negative is nothing compared to the real, true SELF.
It was heart-breaking for me when I realized that everyone has had some reason to hate themselves. Whether it was the result of crappy parenting, an incorrect mental image of self, or the culmination of many years of abuse and lack of acceptance... we all have to dig ourselves out of it. That’s the definition of being responsible.
Are there any parts of you that you secretly hate? Look for them - they are probably buried underneath your most self-destructive behaviors. Ridding yourself of self-hate leads you one step closer to
being authentic and happy.
Heal your past and forgive yourself. Figure out the lesson and take it for what it was… this is just one way to give yourself a healthy love for YOU.
Respect Yourself and Others Will Respect You
Return From Self-Hate to First Love You HOME
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