STFU! Bad Girl Bianca's
Date Tip #13
N. Never tell a woman who you are and what you stand for... STFU and just be it. She will know by your actions. There is nothing worse than going out with a guy who tries to sell himself to you. Real men are what they are by their actions.
I put my DVR on pause while watching an episode of 24. Though it was starting to get good, I had to leave Jack Bauer hanging in enemy territory so that I could refresh my beer.
On the way back from the kitchen my little red Crazr started to vibrate. I picked it up, glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was a guy I had been playing phone tag with for a day.
“Why are you calling me now?” I thought to myself... but decided to answer the phone and make it brief.
We had met at the gas station on a Saturday morning, both of us rushing in to get a last minute item before starting the day. I like gas station meetings because at least you know a person 1) has a car and 2) has money to put gas into it. :-)
Gas stations are non-threatening places and I will usually give my number out to most who asks for it there. This guy asked, and waited until the following week to call.
I answered the phone and was greeted by a deep, almost hushed roar. I sat back on the couch and eased into his conversation. He started with the normal, yet booooring, “what do you do?” After answering, I threw the ball back by asking him an entertainingly probing question, which he, to his detriment, took to mean “it’s my time to shine”.
I couldn’t get a word in edge-wise as he hemmed and hawed, over-explained and over-analyzed, reflected, projected, stumbled and scrambled. It was brutal. I just wanted to be like, “STFU and toss the ball back, sweetie. It’s okay.”
From there, the conversation took even more of a nose-dive... At one point he even said, “Let me see what else I can tell you about me.” Who would say that? Like I cared to hear more after listening to him ramble for 10 minutes!
Jack Bauer was getting lonely and my beer was getting warm by this point. I needed to get off the phone.
When I was finally able to break away after a few “uh-huh” and “alright then’s”, I had to stop and think about what made his conversation anti-seductive.
If a woman is having fun talking to a guy, everything else, including 24 and a beer, can wait. A conversation with someone who offers push/pull mental stimulation is the highest form of entertainment.
It wasn’t this guy’s fault that he was nervous. I know that most guys simply don’t know how to talk to women… that’s totally natural, which is why men should read my article on eHow.com about how to talk to women.
Click here to read it now.
But this wasn’t even about his nerves or lack of skill in the art of flirting. This guy just needed to stop being so egotistical and STFU!
How many times has someone told us something about themselves, then we see how they really act in a situation and the two images are different?
A person tells you that they are honest, and then they lie to you. They tell you that they are caring, then they kick a kitten or some other small furry animal... or maybe they say they are smart, but can’t string together a sentence. It doesn’t matter what you say, it matters what you do!
If you are honest, I’ll see that. If you like to laugh, I’ll see that too. If you are optimistic, friendly, fun to be around, trust me, you don’t need to say it.
Emerson remarked, “Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying.”
I don’t want a job interview conversation... no woman does. I don’t want to hear about your strengths and your weaknesses. Boring details about how you fix the plow on your truck during the course of your work day are not a way to start a relating. Women want to experience you. Make us want to figure you out by employing the "STFU" dating tip. We are interested in anything that we find... especially at the beginning.
You telling a woman what makes you “you” ruins the surprise... and if you’re wrong about who you are and you give incorrect information, she's probably going to hold it against you.
So best to just follow the date tip and STFU. Let her find out on her own. And remember that a big part of early seduction is mystery. If you find yourself talking too much about you, it’s probably best to stop, ask a probing question, and pay attention to details.
Don't apply for the job of boyfriend by trying to impress; just STFU and you'll be attractive. Egotism is not the way to flirt.
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