What Makes a Male Attractive?

This is a story about how a guy got me to go home with him last year by displaying 14 alpha male behaviors. To find out more about alpha male behavior, click on the site map link and look for info about Alphas.

— Background —

I don’t have a “significant other” but I have enough good people in my life to spend time with and I don’t need to go out on the weekends to “let go” after a long week.

Though this particular week, I worked on a tough problem for a client for 28 hours. In front of the computer, working late into the night. I called my girl Friday night and said, “Get me out!” We met at a local bar that features live bands on Fridays.

— The Guy —

An acquaintance from high school. We had a few classes together.

~ He dated one of my friends for about 2 years. He was really tall (6’6″) and TINY… unhealthy looking thin.

~ He’s a 4th grade teacher now.

~ He’s filled out – “fit” like a soccer player.

~ His face is pretty.

~ He wore a baseball cap… I’m guessing to cover his baldness. Yeah, bald as in he shaves his head, yet you know it’s not a fashion statement.

~ He wasn’t “trying to throw game”… he was having fun. Whatever happens, happens.

— The Intro —

I walked away from my girl to go to the bathroom. On my way back out this dude (we’ll call him Jay) stops me and says “what’s up”.

We start a conversation.

***Point of interest***

To my recollection, he and I have never had a real conversation for more than 2 minutes, so he was basically a stranger.

— His “Game” —

This guy was obviously trying to make the conversation fun… he succeeded.

Things he did right

-or-

WHAT MAKES A MALE ATTRACTIVE

1) He made fun of me. I smile, laugh, and giggle ALL THE TIME. He told me that my cheeks were going to hurt tomorrow from all of the smiling.

2) He mirrored me…but didn’t “follow” me.

3) He threw it back when I tried to make fun of him. I told him that he was too tall and my neck was hurting from looking up at him. He told me that he actually wanted to be about 2 inches taller and that I was just used to dating really short guys. He told me that other girls LOVE how tall he is, and I must be crazy/weird for not liking it.

4) He took me away from my friend (isolation), but later made sure to *kinda* include her by buying her a shot, too. At one point, some guy that I was talking to earlier tried to start up the conversation again… Jay sat on the other side of me, and demanded my attention by whispering something in my ear… I turned his way and never looked back at the other guy – who eventually left, I guess.

5) He didn’t apologize for looking at my body. At one point in the conversation, I noticed that he looked down… I called him on it and he says “yeah, I was looking at your boobs. I like round ones and yours look really good in that sweater.” What could I say to that?! lol

6) He told me that I should buy him a shot (giving direction). I looked at him like “what?” He goes, “Okay, we’ll do rock, paper, scissors for it, but I already know what you’re going to pick so you might as well go buy me a shot now.” He then goes on to tell me that studies have been done about rock, paper, scissors, and he can tell what I’ll do just from talking to me. Then, instead of playing, he grabs my arm (kino) and takes me over to the bar. He tells me that we can save the game for something else.

7) He asks me what kind of shot I want (grading me). I said a lemon drop.He orders two and asks me how to do it (lemon first, during, or after). We do the shot my way and he tells me that the next one is on me and he’ll show me the “right way” to take it.

8) He challenged me. We start talking about the band that was playing and he says that I should get up there and sing. He told me that he remembered I was in plays in high school so I should have no problem. I told him that HE should go up there… He tells me that we should do rock, paper, scissors and the loser should have to sing.

9) He invaded my space. He put his arm around me and then reaches out to my friend to invite her into the conversation. In this way, he is making it clear that he wants more from me, but he’s being nice to her because she’s my girl. He asks her what kind of shot she wants, and when she says a “lemon drop”, he makes a dramatic move and goes “I hope you don’t drink it like she does.”

10) He stayed with me instead of making me join his circle of friends. As his friends walked by, he introduced me as this girl from high school who thinks he’s too tall. He asks his friends if it’s weird that a girl would say he was too tall.

11) He talked to me about his interests…his hobbies and his job. He told me that he loved teaching so much that he would do it for free.

12) He kept the conversation interesting.

13) He searched my face. Some guys are naturally intuitive. Others have to look for signs. I could tell that this guy was studying me and reading my face after he said something… this is rare because a lot of guys look down or away after saying something… this one paid attention.

14) He was COOL WITH HIMSELF. Natural. No matter how much I tried to tease, he wouldn’t let me change his frame. At one point I walked away… he stood there, looking at me, then motioned with his head for me to come back to him.

— The Close —

My girl left – she got too drunk and seriously just dipped. Jay and I hardly noticed because we were too engrossed in coversation. The bar started clearing out… lights came on and he goes “Wow, you still look good with the lights on”.

He then says “You’re having a good time talking to me, aren’t you?”

I say “yes, I am.”

He then says “I am, too. I feel comfortable talking to you…I never knew you were so fun to talk to.” (laughs) “It’s still early… let’s keep it going. Come back to the house with me. Bobby’s car is at my house, so I gotta take him with me, but you can ride with us. Then we’ll go to my house and I’ll bring you back to get your car in the morning…after breakfast.”

******Red Flag******

My self-talk “What? Go back to your house? What kind of girl do you think I am? Like I’m really going to go sleep with you tonight! Are you serious? I don’t even know you! And you want me to leave my car here… and just ride away with you and “Bobby”? WTF? That could be dangerous. No! NO!”

Rejection #1

I say “Jay, no I can’t. I have to go home.”

He looks me right in the eyes and says “No, you don’t. You’re not tired. You’re not even drunk. I’m having fun talking to you and you’re having fun talking to me. You’re probably having more fun than you’ve had in a long time… and you’re really going to just go home in the middle of it because the bar is closing?” (look of shock)

My self-talk “Hmmm. He has a point. I have nowhere to be in the morning. I’m definitely not drunk. He’s interesting and nice. I know him from high school. But eff that, I’m not going home with some dude… that’s just not me.”

Rejection #2

I say “Nah, I gotta be home, but we’ll see each other again”.

He laughed and said something like “You’re worried that I’m going to take advantage of you, huh? Relax. I’m cool… you would be the who would try to take of advantage of me. “

Rejection #3

“Ha! No really, we’ll see each other again”. *Started to walk away*

He grabs my arm and says “Tiffannneeee, you’re being a silly girl.” Smile “You know you want to hang out. Come on… just come with us… it will be social! I promise I’ll bring you back whenever you want to get your car. But we’re going to breakfast.”

(Semi-Acceptance/Semi-) Rejection #3.5

I say “Okay, but I’m driving my own car”.

He looks at me and says something about how I should just ride with them. I tell him that I would feel more comfortable taking my car. He asks for my cell phone number, calls it, motions for me to answer the phone, and says “Okay, you can follow me, let’s go.” (Smile)

— Afterthoughts —

During the ride I was thinking about how this situation would play out with some other guy.

How many guys would have backed off after the first rejection?

How many would have been too scared to *Offer* (not ask) again after I said no?

Since I have been to a lot of bars in my day, I have some experience with other guys asking me to go home with them. I’ve never done it (except with my girls and a group of guys from college/work who were friends)… never alone with some guy.

Maybe because the comfort level wasn’t there, or because the attraction level wasn’t there… but whatever, this situation made me think about why I, as a woman, have so much unnecessary worry about things like this. I’ve gone home with my girlfriends on many ocassions. Too drunk to drive home, after-party, whatever.

But going home with a guy threw up red flags. “He could hurt me.” It makes sense in a way… but would I really attract someone into my life who had negative intentions towards me?

The truth is we were two people having a good time together. There was obvious attraction and neither of us were “otherwise committed”.

He didn’t seem like a serial killer or dangerous type, but he very well could have been. I had to trust my instincts.

Had he not combated my objections though, we would not have enjoyed such a nice night at his house. We got back, talked, and hung out.

Was there a sexual component? I'll neverrrr teelllll. :) But do remember that as a selective Alpha Female... it's impossible to penetrate these walls within the first 24 hours... it's more like 24 weeks before you get an invitation. :-)

If you want to score with a girl on the first night, choose one who doesn't value herself very much. They're easy to find.

One question I asked Jay during the night: “Why did you think that I would come home with you?”

He said: “You seem like you intimidate a lot of guys just by your looks. My ex-girlfriend was like that too, but when I got to know her I realized she was a lot softer than she seemed… I knew that you needed to have a good time because most guys probably don’t even ask you out, and the ones who do are probably players.I knew you would have fun with me because I’m a cool person.

He KNEW HE WAS A COOL PERSON. Love it.

- After Afterthoughts-

But I know that he and I would not be “compatible” in the long run, so what I got out of this experience was a fun night, the phone number of a guy who I know I could have a good time with, and a story that may help some guys learn how to overcome objections from women – because we want to have fun with you, but you have to make us feel comfortable first. PERSIST! (But don’t be a beggin’ little bitch about it.)

Thanks for reading and happy relating! Related Articles

*Bad Girl Bianca's Seduction Guide for Men
*Alpha and Beta Behavior
*Get the girl: Stop being a Beta Male